Starting with the new year, Rule of Pie will ask for $4.50 for every slice of pie on our menu. All slices will be served with a portion of our homemade whipped cream.
(I once took a class on fiction writing. The instructor always said that young writers should say what they want to say upfront. Right from the get. Let the story unfold from the start. Start the thing by saying what you want to say. Bruce Willis was actually dead the whole damn time, man.
I've always thought this was good advice, both from a narratological standpoint and from a business point of view. Well-executed plot turns are hard and no one really likes being set-up. Like, once we figured out that Bruce Willis was dead, we never trusted a thing about the rest of M. Night Shyamalan's career.)
So, starting with the new year, we're raising the prices of our slices by fifty cents each. We're not trying to set any one up here. So, if you don't care to read our justification, great. But in case you do, we thought it best to explain in no particular order.
When customers would order a slice for in-store eating, we'd always put cream down next to their slice. We did that as a compliment. Kind of like, odds are, if you sit down at a Mexican place, you're getting chips and salsa. You carry out, you're probably not getting the chips. We'd be remiss to not point out the cost of heavy cream and it outweighing the cost of corn. So, while in-store customers liked having the cream, and appreciated it, people who took pie out to-go did not. They were all like, hey, where's my cream, guy. And we were like, you have to pay for that because it costs. And they were all like, that's stupid and I don't like it. That's dumb.
Also, the laws of gravity do not apply to taxes. Taxes will rise, maybe levitate a little bit, and then rise again. I don't really care how you feel about them because they don't really care about how I feel about them. They go up and never come down. It's kind of like the worst magic trick ever. Taxes are just one cost consideration. The cost of doing business with our ingredients is always climbing too, but I won't bore you with that list.
Speaking of cost consideration, though, we encourage you to pursue the menu of other places, not exactly gastronomic art galleries themselves, such as Applebee's, Chili's, or Ruby Tuesday. Here, you can purchase a slice of cheesecake for $6. Or, a piece of chocolate cake for $7. We're not saying that our dessert is better than their dessert, but if you don't think our dessert is better than that dessert, we probably never did anything to earn your repeat business. We'd like another chance at it, but ultimately we can't compete with big stores on costs, so we have to win with quality. If you disagree with our claims of quality, we've probably lost you. And we're probably not getting you back.
With sales tax, our price gets you scratchmade pie and cream for under five bucks. It eliminates confusion. It covers the added cost of ingredients out the door. I understand that price increases, justified by reason or not, will cause some heartburn--as well they probably should, all things considered.
I get that.
The truth is, I'm writing this post because Miranda said I needed to. She said that people might come in and accuse her of trying to rip them off, or set them up and she's seven months pregnant and doesn't want to go to jail because she loves our kids very much. So, she asked if we could provide some kind of explanation to our slice price.
The truth is, she works harder than I do. She works harder than you do, probably. No offense. It's just that she wants to do right by everyone. I think that's impossible and I think that's silly silly. I've spent years of my life trying to silence that impulse of hers. I am losing--this blog post as my latest witness.
We appreciate your time, your business, your trust--all of it. Thanks for your continued support of RoP.